Coming to the lake every evening has become my little ritual.
It began one day when I felt really miserable and lost but dragged myself out for a walk anyway, hoping that it would clear my mind. It was a bit windy but the wind was quite gentle and didn't irritate me at all but it caused waves on the lake and for a moment it felt like being by the seaside again. So I just stood there listening to the comforting sound of the waves and it felt really good. Breathing in the chill air of autumn. Trying to be present.
I'm teaching myself to live in the moment. I've spent years longing for something different, wishing to be somewhere else, constantly looking forward to the right moment to start living. Longing for relationships. Trying to live up to someone's expectations. I forgot that the only thing we own is the moment. I forgot how important it is to be content on my own. Our world has been turned upside down and our values have been messed up. When I think about my life I subconsciously try to plan it out according to what's considered to be normal: school, university, job, family... I'm sorry, but life is so much more than that! I was taught to think that this simple scheme defined life. There is so much pressure in our world. We are constantly expected to do certain things that would make us "fit in" yet the only way to really fit in this world is to find connection with the universe and just be. I no longer want to follow the path blindly, hoping that some day I'll be happy. Somewhere, with someone, doing something. I can be perfectly happy right now. I'm here to experience this life, to embrace the moment, to accept myself. I might want to share this moment with someone but I don't need anyone to experience it. I am enough. I am alone and this is how it's supposed to be. Just me and the world. I'm teaching myself to like the idea. Because I've always thought I needed something else or someone else to enjoy this life but I was oh so wrong.
I stood by the lake and I watched the sun go down and the sight of it filled me with endless happiness. I think I had an epiphany moment there. The world of colors, sounds and smells unfolded in front of me and I breathed it all in.
For a moment I thought how amazing it would be to become a part of this wonderful country with all it's lakes and sunsets, but then I realized... I am a part of this! How weird is the idea of the world being divided into countries? I am a part of this beautiful planet and no borders can prevent me from enjoying a wonderful sunset.
I'm trying to change my perspective on this. Once upon a time I was happy in Sweden watching the sun go down. Sounds good. But not good enough, because I know I'm not a swede and I really wish I were. But how about a sunset that I once watched on this planet? Aren't we all earthlings?
See, it's all about the approach. Choose to be happy now.
Lots of love,